One body, two worlds

After a long semester, I'm back home. 

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I honestly don't really know how I'm feeling now. Although I've been looking forward to coming back for ages, I'm still not feeling myself yet. I've grown so fond of Melbourne that I was so upset in leaving this time. I remember feeling so depressed the whole of Saturday, and I was all by myself that night which made things even worse. The moment I stepped into the plane and sat down, I started mass texting everybody feeling so sappy and after getting replies from everyone, I was so close to tears and felt very heavy hearted. It was that moment that got me thinking "How if I really leave Melbourne for good? Confirm will cry a river!" Suddenly, there was a whole new meaning to the word HOME.

Even after getting 14 hours of sleep and waking up to a new day, I still feel out of place. It's as if there's a Melbourne Aud trapped in a Malaysian Aud's body and the Melbourne part of me is just dying to break free. This sounds very pathetic, but I guess it's true that I live two very different lives. The Malaysian Aud is a spoilt princess, within her comfort zone, protected, and always wanting to get things done her way, but the Melbourne Aud has learned what it's like being alone, became more independent, and has been through the lowest point of life and learned how to grow from there.

I'm still trying to reassure myself that things are going to get better here. But just thinking of what would have happened if I didn't leave disappoints me. I've changed so much this semester that I learned to love Melbourne and the people with it. I've learned how to be at peace with my inner self, to accept failure and learn from my mistakes. I've met the most amazing people and have the best friends. People that have moulded me to be come the person I am today, people that do not judge me, and people that matter.

The only reason I had to comfort myself about coming home would be this is where I grew up, this is where my family is. Started my first day home with mother and sister dearest picking me up from the airport, Sunday market for breakfast, dim sum for lunch, gym time in the evening, and Unique seafood for dinner with daddy.

X

Three months to go.

I just pray something good is going to come out of this.

I'm not convinced yet :(