Midnight blues

Hi.

I have a sudden urge to go on a verbal diarrhoea now, and unfortunately it's because I'm so alone that I need to talk to myself.

I'm 90% done unpacking, and it's just left with the little stuff and another round of cleaning, and I think I'm all set. Things have just been so hectic, and I can really say moving isn't easy especially if you're doing it alone.

It's been almost a week since I've came back to Australia. At this time (Msia timezone) I was already at KLIA waiting for my plane cause mummy was super kiasu and wanted to be there super early that night. I remember about a week before I left, mummy asked me "one more week before you go home. Is it go home or go back? Which is your home?" or somewhere along those lines. I always say I'm 'coming back' to Australia, but 'going back/home' to the place I belong. To me, home has only been one place.

I really miss home :(

I moved out this year and I'm staying alone now, which makes me miss home so much more. I've been so preoccupied with unpacking and cleaning, and I come to realise that I really take for granted the little things that I never appreciate back home, where I never had to do anything.

The first night back in Melbourne I was so homesick. I've never missed home so much before, not even the first time I left. I cried, then called mummy and again cried myself to sleep that night. There were just to much things to settle that I felt like such a mess. First time I'm sleeping in such a big bed, but feeling so SO lonely *heartbreak

The second day, I started unpacking and I took out a picture of mummy and I that I used to place on my top desk in my room last year and I put it on my desk once again. I looked at it and realise how I miss my mum coming into my room every night before she goes to sleep, and how she nags me at the state of my room. If she were to see my current mess, she'd probably scream her lungs off.

After that, for a few nights I felt quite at peace. Stayed over at my aunty's place over the weekend, and I managed to Skype with Zhi for about 2 hours one night I think. I really thank God that I got unlimited Internet. Seriously, if I didn't I'd probably die by now already.

I was just Skyping with her again just now for about 20mins before she had to go for class and I think she said that uni was suppose to be the best days of your life. Why don't I feel that? I really think high school/college were the best days of my life! I think that since I started uni, I've felt so terrible. As much as I'm in the xx-th top uni, I've never felt so stupid in my life before, like really.

The past few days have been so unstable.

I really hope this emotional whirlwind goes away soon.

Hopefully by the end of this week when I'm unpacked and more settled physically, I will be settled emotionally too.

I miss my mum and sister :( How not to be homesick you tell me?